Are You A Mother With Wendy’s Syndrome?

Have you ever had the impression that your role as a mother, or partner, focuses more on the need to satisfy those around you? Well, you are not alone, as this attitude common to many women is known as “Wendy’s syndrome”. 

According to Wikipedia, Wendy’s syndrome “presents itself as the absolute need to satisfy others, especially the partner and children“. Read this article carefully to learn more and understand how to counter it.

What Wendy’s Syndrome Really Is

To really understand what Wendy’s syndrome is, we need to remember the Peter Pan fairy tale. Wendy is the character who takes care of the most important and complex tasks. 

Although she is just a child like all the others, she shows an attitude characterized by a strong sense of responsibility; in fact he makes decisions, even carrying out the tasks that Peter does not want or cannot fulfill.

If you have Wendy’s syndrome, exactly the same thing will happen to you: you will take on the most difficult tasks and feel bad about what you will not be able to do.

Characteristics of mothers with Wendy’s syndrome

Mothers with Wendy’s syndrome are always willing to please their family. The problem can be easily identified, because precise characteristics distinguish people with Wendy’s syndrome:

• They are perfectionists. They think they have failed if they fail to meet all the needs of the family. They feel guilty if something went wrong and, most likely, spend a lot of time organizing whatever tasks they take on.

• They believe they are essential. They think they are the only ones capable of taking on a job properly.  They do not ask for help because, if they did, they would think they do not deserve the love of their family.
• They avoid conflicts at all costs. What they fear most is being victims of rejection; for this they do everything to avoid it. They will always be willing to go out of their way to receive demonstrations of love. Deep down, even though they may appear happy , they feel sad and dissatisfied.
• They continually blame themselves. Couldn’t they buy the toy their son had long wanted?  Did your husband’s favorite dish not turn out well? All of these things appear to them as a personal failure. They will blame themselves and think they are not appreciated or loved. 

The origin of Wendy’s syndrome

Although many women think of making their family happy as their prerogative in life, it is important to know that you need to maintain a certain balance,  otherwise it is possible that this attitude will degenerate into Wendy’s syndrome.

The syndrome is due to two main causes:

• Cultural influence.  Many cultures and societies educate women to play a specific gender role; therefore this syndrome is quite common in male-dominated societies.
• Fear and rejection. This is the psychological cause of Wendy’s syndrome. If you are a woman used to being constantly abandoned, or who have an irrational fear of loneliness, you may find yourself in this situation. Therefore you will believe that only by satisfying others will you be able to keep them close, even if the fear that they will one day go away will not leave you.  
  

Problems related to Wendy’s syndrome

You may be thinking that there is nothing wrong with caring for the well-being of your partner and your children. This is true, but the important thing is not to neglect your happiness. An alarm bell should go off when the following problems occur:

• Relationship problems; in the relationship everyone plays a specific role but, if you get to the point where you feel that your partner is more of a burden than a help, stop for a moment and analyze the situation. As a couple it is right for both of you to take responsibility. 
• Depression or anxiety with the passage of time you feel overwhelmed, you feel you can not do anything more. At this point, anxiety and depression take over. You always think that you are not enough, and that you still have a lot to do.

• Sadness; contrary to popular belief, doing everything for others will not make you happier. A mother with Wendy’s syndrome will see all her efforts in vain, and she will end up feeling empty and sad.

As mothers and as women it is important to avoid falling into the abyss of Wendy’s syndrome. Being a good mother does not mean neglecting yourself as a woman and as a wife.