Arguing In Front Of Children Is A Mistake
Very often parents fight in front of their children without knowing it is a mistake. On the one hand, the children may be too young to understand the reason for the discussion but still internalize the negative feelings they receive from the outside.
Furthermore, it is a mistake to think that they are able to understand the problems of adults by considering them to be greater than they are. In other words, thinking that maturity gives him the tools to deal with negative situations correctly is a mistake.
The tone of voice, sudden movements and the whole set of non-verbal language can be misinterpreted even by a baby. Even if he does not understand the content of the words, it can generate negative emotions in him.
Discussing in front of the children: dialogue and the importance of communication
Confrontation and communication can be interpreted as normal, indeed as a sign of mental health in a couple. All this, however, depends on the type of discussion and the level of aggression.
It would be advising to tackle all kinds of issues without getting upset and attacking others. However, when the discussion is accompanied by loud shouts and words it could negatively affect the child.
Some of the consequences of arguing in front of children can be: offering a negative model of communication, creating undefined rules and boundaries, confusing situations for the child.
The consequences of arguing in front of the children
First of all, a negative model of relationship is being transmitted. Babies are like sponges and constantly absorb information about everything around them.
They realize how problems are solved, if there are misunderstandings, disrespect, if we talk one over the other, if there is eye contact, etc. Undoubtedly, it will be his parents who will form a large part of his character from childhood.
Another consequence may be the establishment of rules and limits that are not clear enough. The ideal thing would be for parents to play as a team when it comes to establishing behavioral rules for the little one.
The little one may start to cry and question what the parent says simply because he sees them disagree. He may end up getting confused without knowing who to listen to or start manipulating them as needed.
Yet another consequence of arguing in front of children is that it then leads them to wonder which side to take. The little ones don’t have to be judges or jury of their parents, they shouldn’t even attend the discussions. Both parents must be important to him and have a specific role.
Children may know that parents argue and have differences in thinking. But they do not have to take part in it, nor be aware of the details of the discussion.
Discussing in front of the children leaves gaps in the little ones
One of the most painful memories a child can have is arguably the arguments between his parents. For a child, parents are people who are there to protect them and make them feel safe. When they suddenly attack and scream in front of him, the latter feels helpless and scared.
According to a study published in the journal Development and Psychopathology by the Steinhardt School of Culture, Education and Human Development in New York; exposure to aggression between parents can adversely affect the child’s emotions.
After 58 months of evaluation, the researchers concluded that children most exposed to aggressive situations at home had greater difficulties in identifying and controlling their emotions.
Furthermore, it was observed that this missing capacity was closely linked to the development of emotional intelligence.
A child exposed to parental aggression will have trouble processing emotions such as sadness, abandonment and fear.
All these uncontrolled emotions on a daily basis will lead the little one to suffer from anxiety and depression years later.
You know that it is generally important to know how to identify and express your feelings. Depriving a child of this ability can create serious problems in the future. For this, it is good to discuss in private.
