Labeling Your Children: Why You Don’t Have To

Many parents label their children without realizing it and there are several ways to do this. But there are several very serious reasons why you shouldn’t label your children.

No parent wants the worst for their children but by labeling them they are unconsciously damaging their development and self-esteem. Generally we are used to labeling people:  “nervous”, “failed”, “restless”, “bad”, “bad person”, “anxious”, “sad” …  There are many labels that we use every day.

Labeling children: negative labels

Negative labels are those labels that describe a negative part of the child’s behavior, recall a disorder from which he or she suffers, signal something negative. Negatively labeled children grow up believing that they are what others define them.

If you label a child as “heavy” or “bad” he will end up convincing himself that he is heavy because if an adult says it, it must be true. In this way the negative conduct of the child is nourished and he will behave as heavy and bad because he is convinced that he is.

Labeling children: positive labels

Positive labels are those labels that tend to emphasize the positive side of the child. There are parents who, for fear of damaging their children’s self-esteem, label them positively. Also to stimulate them towards themselves. Positively labeling can be counterproductive especially when it comes to exaggerated and unrealistic labels.

For example, when a parent says “you are the smartest” two things can happen. One is that the child does not trust the parent’s words because he knows they do not reflect reality. Or, believe the words of mom or dad and will be disappointed when he realizes the truth.

Labeling children: special labels

In our society there are labels needed to identify children suffering from disorders such as: ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, etc.

These types of labels allow parents to have an answer to their doubts. These types of labels are necessary in order to initiate a process of enhancing the child’s development. However, in no case is it a way to negatively underline the behavior of the child. Don’t think about the inconveniences, focus on the result.

The use of special labels

You have to be very careful with the use of special labels because children may feel judged. If you label a child as “impulsive” or are told he has “attention deficit disorder” you are labeling him with a condition that can be treated and improved.

If not used correctly, labels can limit children instead of giving them the opportunity to improve according to their own skills and personal interests. All labels reflect behaviors and you can always choose which behavior to adopt.

Because you don’t have to label your children

Parents must find the right way to communicate with their children so as not to label them wrongly. For example, instead of saying: “ You are bad because you hit your brother ”,  the little one should be guided towards the correct behavior:  “Stop hitting your brother because you are hurting him”.

Furthermore, parents have to work every day to convince their little ones that they see only the best in themselves, and that negative behaviors are just something that can be improved. It is essential to be positive and see the good sides of things. For example, if the little one has been frightened by a nightmare instead of calling him a “coward” pay attention and importance to his emotions, let him understand that the worst is over and he can try to sleep again.

Babies need to hear positive things about them every day (positive labels consistent with the little one’s character and personality). This way you can help them build their personality.